Saying Goodbye

As you all know, Jackie hates the house we were living in, it was falling apart around us, and I for the most part hated it too…a lot of headache trying to keep things from falling apart when you know the landlord is going to jump your case about it even though its not your fault.

Anyways the past 2 weeks has been a wild ride, if I wasn’t over there I was working and vice versa, pretty much zero time with family. I finally got the last of the things out of the house tonight, and sat down to take a break.

Thats when it hit me.

A flood of memories came rushing to me all at once, it was like watching the past 2 1/2 years go by right in front of me, kids hollering, running up and down the hall, me yelling at them to stop running, Spongebob going on in the background, dog barking…so noisy and so fun.

Now, nothing but empty rooms and silence…no kids, no smiles, no TV, no dog…nothing.

As I sat there in that lonely chair thinking of things over the past two and a half years thats happened in that house it all started becoming too much for me to bear…of course its really late at night, and when Im really tired things tend to get to me a lot more then they normally would.

The table I was sitting at, I fixed breakfast one morning and had it all laid out on the table, and I went and woke the kids up, they came in and Jeffery was like “Wow daddy, you fixed a LOT of food!” and he jumped up in the chair, I sat down in the chair I was sitting in now and Jaylin walks up to me and puts her arms out for me to pick her up, so we sat there and ate breakfast…laughing, joking, picking on each other, and its a very vivid memory that still stands out to me to this day.

Now in front of me is an empty table, empty chair, and right then I didn’t want anything else in the world but for Jeffery to be sitting across from me smiling.

Theres a lot more memories, thousands more that I could tell if I had enough time, all similar to this one…I feel like with us moving out of the house we’re abandoning all those memories, and I feel like I’m betraying the past by removing myself from the environment those memories were made in…I know we’re moving into a new house and we’ll make memories there, but a lot of the memories made in the house we’re moving out of will never be able to be recreated…first words, Jefferys speech therapy, Jaxons birth, both kids were potty trained there, the Maverick (Which was supposed to be restored for Jeffery, but I couldn’t afford it…everyday he’s ask “when are you going to work on my car daddy?” and I kept putting it off until I finally had to sell it, he said it didn’t bother him but you saw it broke his heart when they loaded it up and took it away)

Am I happy to be moving? Very much so…I’m glad I’m finally able to be doing something I thought Id never be able to do…but on the same hand I feel like I’m leaving so much behind…I don’t know, maybe I’m just tired, I can barely think and I have no idea what Ive wrote Ive just been writing as I’m going…I might be over it tomorrow…I don’t know, but I hope I am, because I hate this feeling.

About Jackie

Jackie is a stay at home mom to five wonderful children, 4 boys and a girl ages from infant to 10 years old. Her life is anything but calm, most days it's pure mayhem. You can follow her on twitter @monkey_mayhem
Jackie Staples

Comments

  1. Change is inevitable and there is always something brighter around the corner. Cherish the memories and make new ones.

  2. Closing a door is always hard. It’s hard to let go of the past and to those memories. But just think about all of the doors that are opening now. No, you’ll never get those “old” memories back, but you’ll gain new ones that you’ll cherish just as much, if not more. Think of all of the things that you are going to be able to do in the new house, all the room for playing you’ll have etc etc. It’ll be worth it in the end, I’m sure. Those old memories will always be there in your heart and may be cherished even more because of the fact that you’re no longer in that house.

    Wishing you all the best of luck during this move!

  3. great post jeff! you’re not going to forget the past, it’ll be with you always. well written jeff! and hug. LOL

  4. Feel bad the you are upset of the thought of closing that door for the last time and filling you with tears, I know it is sad for you. Those thoughts and memories made you a family. Just remember the new home will bring new memories, hope and dreams for your family.

  5. I’ve moved four times in a little under 2 years now, and everytime that we have moved there have been pros and cons, but always more pros than cons. Yet, when the rooms are empty and it hits me that these bare walls and empty floors don’t look like my home anymore, it hits me that we’re saying goodbye and within a few days it won’t be ours anymore, and there’s that weird lonely sad feeling. Logically, I know the memories will stay with me but it’s always a weird feeling. I can only imagine that it’ll be even harder once I have kids and leave homes where my kids were born, learned to walk, etc.

  6. Mr. Barbell says:

    While the living situation was temporary, your memories are not. You will be able to hold on to those and cherish them for the rest of your life. Nothing can take those memories away from you.

    Just think to yourself: Was it the house that created the memories, or the people inside? I think you know the answer. Your family will be right beside you in your new home. I believe no matter where you go, you will have moments of pure happiness thanks to the ones that surround you.

    Take this opportunity, before you leave your old home, to fondly look back on the past while you anxiously await for what’s to happen in the future. Remember that each day provides a new opportunity to create meaningful memories much like the ones you hold dear to you now.

    I wish you the best and I believe a bright future is ahead for you and the ones you love.