Sometimes I Cry

I handle raising 4 kids pretty well for someone who has depression. At least I think so. My kids are all happy and healthy. But there are days (like today) that I struggle. It’s only 9am here and I’ve already cried today. The time change has affected us all. I’m having trouble sleeping and the kids had trouble getting up this morning. With being tired, they were cranky. I handled Jaxon pretty well and was able to get him dressed and out the door with very little problems, he’s my usual problem child in the morning but today he wasn’t too bad. No, this morning it was Jaylin who wanted to have issues.

Jaylin’s issue was something so minor and she threw it completely out of proportion. She claimed that her pants “didn’t feel right”. They are pants she wears normally. Nothing changed, she even wore them yesterday (they were still clean because she didn’t do anything yesterday to get them dirty). I just ignored her and told her to deal with it. I knew she was just making stuff up so she could have her way and end up missing the bus by the time I could find her pants to wear. I still had to get Jaxon out to the bus, get the big 2 kids snacks packed, and make sure Jeffery had something to eat so he could take his medicine. I had her get her shoes on and go out the door while Jeffery was finishing up eating. I knew she would walk so slow it would be as if she was walking backwards….seriously! Jeffery was able to finish his poptart, take his medicine and everything and still make it to the bus stop before she was even halfway there. Needless to say she missed the bus.

I had to drive down, pick her up and put her in the van then turn around so I could get Justin up and take her to school. She kicked her socks and shoes off and was screaming up a fit. It was a complete nightmare. I had to park across the street from the school and she dropped dead weight in the middle of the road. It was a nightmare, Justin on my hip, carry her backpack and her. I got her to the sidewalk and put her down. I just started crying…right there. I only had on PJ pants and my nightgown…I’m sure it was a sight. I wasn’t awake enough for all of this. I finally got her into the school by a mix of holding her hand (which she tried to jerk away multiple times and then complained it hurt) and in the entryway a couple teachers tried helping. They called for the school counselor and the principal told me to come with her…I was a wreck, tears streaming…I felt like a failure. She had me leave the school through another door so Jaylin wouldn’t see me. She assured me Jaylin would be taken care of. She told me it was ok and understood I was just overwhelmed. She knows first hand the problems I had with Jeffery (I’ve had a good cry in her office while dealing with him last year). On the way out of the school I walked past Jeffery’s teacher who give me a look…she knows how Jeffery can be so I’m sure she was expecting to have a rough day with him after seeing me like that.  Little did she know it was my precious Jaylin who has RARELY had any issues. I’ve had a few times I’ve had to take her to school but she always calmed down once we got there and happily walked in with no problems.

Now I’m sitting here, the tears have finally stopped. But I look back and don’t know of anything I could have done different to make that situation any better. She’s been in school for 2 hours now and I haven’t gotten a call so she must have calmed down to participate. Further validates that her pants weren’t really bothering her. I would have had to carry her one place or the other, either into the house or into the school. At least in school there is a support system for her to talk to, had I let her stay home it would have been letting her get away with it…she got her way. No matter how much I tell myself I did the right thing, I still question it. Maybe it was the 3 snow days before the weekend and she just didn’t want that to end….5 days off is a long time.

One thing is certain. When she gets home this evening she will be going straight to her room. She’s grounded for acting like this.

About Jackie

Jackie is a stay at home mom to five wonderful children, 4 boys and a girl ages from infant to 10 years old. Her life is anything but calm, most days it's pure mayhem. You can follow her on twitter @monkey_mayhem
Jackie Staples


  1. Awwww, hugs sweetie 🙁 The time change does seem to be affecting people all over. Maybe send her to bed 1/2 hour to an hour early tonight.